Fire Retro Rockets
by roadkillAB
Summary: The Guardians of the Galaxy don't know they're from comics. Deadpool does though. Therefore he takes a little detour to Xandar to tell them just this. Unfortunately it's pretty safe to say that these guardians are WAY cooler than the comic guardians...
**Fire Retro Rockets** Rocket copiloted the _Milano_ on a course for Xandar, he didn't particularly like Xandar and didn't see a reason to go there but he didn't make the destinations. His leader and commander, Peter "Starlord" Quill did (even if Rocket didn't always approve.) The _Milano_ was a starbird belonging to Quill and with that, his pride and joy. The ship was orange, gray and blue and served as the guardians' ship now. (Doesn't mean Rocket liked it or liked living in it.) A couple of hours later they descended on the white and ashen surface of the upper-class planet. "Does anything excite you?" questioned Gamora.

"Sure things do. Just not this, or. . .any destination for that matter." Rocket answered, kind of impertinently. She didn't answer that. He had to admit though, it felt good to land on this planet without someone telling him to put his paws in the air and get on the ground. Rocket let Quill take care of whatever business he felt needed to be attended to in this Galactus-forsaken planet, while he started to look around. This left Quill and Gamora arguing over some blue-skinned girl that had caught his eye. _I don't get it._ Rocket thought. As a rule, Peter Quill liked girls. He had who-knows-how-many exes and was always flirting. The rest of the team was just annoyed and thought he was a shameless harlot. Rocket was no exception. Then, a voice called out his name. A sadly, familiar voice. He turned to face. . .

"Deadpool. How did _you_ get on Xandar?" Rocket inquired. The Terran was wearing a suit that encased his entire body of red and black, but you could detect the gleam of arrogance in his eyes just by hearing the guy talk. A thoroughly insufferable individual.

"Caught on to something, thought I'd make a fly-by. Drop in on you guys for a while. See what I did there?" Rocket shook his head, either at Deapool as a whole or the fact that he didn't get whatever stupid play on words he just made. "Fly-by, spaceships. . .really, nothin'? Tough crowd. _Aaaaanny_ way, I wanted to ask you something." "Shoot." Rocket said dully rightfully dreading the next words that would emerge from the "superheroes" mouth. "You know we're all from comics, right?" the other stated. Confusion filled Rocket's gaze. "Huh? What's a comic?" Deadpool handed him a stack of thin, colorful. . .books. Rocket finally came to the conclusion that they were books. _Great. Reading._ If Rocket could have seen Deadpool's face he probably would've known he was just doing this for the purpose of creating chaos."You should check it out. It's a little old it's. . .'retro'. Retro Rocket. Hey wait a minute, _Retro Rockets!_ That's a pun!" he crowed obviously delighted at the discovery. Rocket however, wasn't. "That's. . .Deadpool, that's awful." "in any case, my point was you should read it. So, see ya, Retro Rocket! HAH!" As he leaped away, back to his own world hopefully, Rocket muttered, "I hope not." Then he turned his attention to these "comics" and decided to take them back to the team. See what they thought, after all these were from Terra and Quill was supposed to know about that stuff. " _Hey guys!"_ he called out to them, Gamora and Quill had stopped squabbling and, from the expression on the half-Terran's face, he had lost the argument. (The blue girl was nowhere to be seen.) "Deadpool just showed up. Gave me this Terran junk. Thought you might want to check it. . ." Rocket trailed off when he realized he wasn't the only one who had met up with someone. "So your whole gang's here, Boy." said Captain Yondu Udonta to Peter Quill. Now it was different though. Now it was commander to commander instead of commander to follower. "Why is he here?" Rocket asked (rather nervously to be perfectly honest.) "So it's true what they said 'bout you." Kraglin put in from where he stood behind his captain waiting for the attack call. "Yep." from his curt tone, Quill intended to end this conversation and end it fast. "No, seriously. Deadpool was here." Rocket had the same intent as his leader but maybe the best way to end the confabulation was to bring up something entirely different, that way no bullets would have to fly. "How did Deadpool get to Xandar?" It had worked, now Quill was talking to Rocket. "He didn't tell me." Then, throwing any plans for a peaceful day out the window, the most chaos-inducing thing that could happen, happened. Rocket looked down at the "Rocket Raccoon" comics cover. For a moment, the poor animal couldn't even speak. His brown eyes bulged, his fur stood on end and his jaw dropped. " FLARK. IS THIS?!" the comic-version of Rocket had bright red fur, skinny back-legs, a mouth wide open in an expression of. . .glee? Really, really, weird, evil-looking glee. It was talking to the Hulk, a huge Terran rage monster. Rocket had never fought the Hulk, met the Hulk, or cared to make _any_ sort of acquaintances with the Hulk. "Hulk must share his eleventh anniversary with puny talking animals?" the text bubble for the rage monsters words read. "That's right, Jade-jaws, and you'll share it with the likes of ROCKET RACCOON!" said the text bubble for comic-Rocket's words. "SOMEONE MADE MONEY OFF OF THIS?! THEY GOT PAID FOR THIS?! I NEED TO HUNT THEM DOWN!" "Well, sometimes you're so mad it looks like you might turn bright red. Like. . .now." Quill commented. "SHUT UP! IT'S NOT LIKE I'M THE ONLY ONE IN ONE, QUILL-JAWS!" the small mammal raged. "I do not think you used that correctly." informed Drax. "I KNOW I WASN'T USED CORRECTLY! I FEEL USED VERY _IN_ CORRECTLY!" Even Yondu was looking at his comic-self which was also pretty awful- just not to him. "Hey, I should actually get a fin! That could work." Quill and Gamora stifled laughs. "What?" Yondu asked the two intergalactic defenders. "Yondu. That idea is just, the worst." Quill replied, he had to cover his mouth with his hand to prevent himself from snickering at the image of Yondu with a giant fin on his head. "What?! We can't do that?! We can be all colors of the rainbow but we can't let our hair grow out?" Yondu said.

"Hate to break it to you, but you don't have hair." "What do you think that plastic red thingy is?" "Okay, that is just bizarre." "First that orb business, now _this._ I should just quit like Quill did." Kraglin muttered under his breath, rolling his eyes. **Several hours later. . .** Quill hadn't let Rocket throw away the disreputable comic, back n the ship to his fury but, he may have found something better. The team heard him burst out laughing. "Oh my gosh, I told you I wasn't the only one-" he caterwauled with laughter, practically splitting a gut. "What?!" asked Quill, irritated. "You think mine's bad? You think _MINE'S_ bad?!" he chortled, handing him the "Star-Lord" comic not really caring that Quill would try to kill him after this. "This-this can't be real. Nobody in their- my gosh- this is REAL?! Someone actually got PAID for this?!" Rocket was still roaring with laughter. Even _Gamora_ giggled when she read it over Quill's shoulder. "Am I. . . _what?!_ What does that say?! 'am I _GOD?!'"_ Quill read one of the lines out loud. "Oh that is great!" Rocket sniggered.

"No it's not! Why does this freak have the Nova Corp symbol on his ugly helmet?!" "Actually, I think it's the Nova corp copped their symbol from his ugly helmet." corrected Gamora.

"Thank you, Gamora. That was so helpful. I'd like to see yours." he snapped. "What about you, Drax?" inquired Rocket. "According to this document, I seem to be lacking in vocabulary. But I should get a cape. I think I would look good in one." "uuuuhhh..." Came Rocket's reply. He wasn't sure how to answer this because, secretly he thought that was easily almost as laughable as comic-Star-lord but he didn't want to do anything that might result in loss of limb. "Keep telling yourself that!" he responded cheerfully, deciding to use a statement that Drax wouldn't really understand. "Rocket you're right. We need to go hunt down. . ." he paused as he searched for the author(s). "Stan Lee!"

"Peter, you're going to go after an old man?" Gamora raised an eyebrow. "Who said anything about old?" "This as made in '84." "I was four years old when this came out. Star-lord didn't even EXIST yet! How do you make a comic, stupid or otherwise of someone who doesn't even exist?!" "I didn't think Terrans even knew about us." stated Gamora.

"Oh they're gonna know about us alright!"

They never actually did find that guy, just like they never threw away the comics, but since then the guardians of the galaxy have been a little more cautious when it comes to Terran material. **The End**


End file.
